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Anyone who tells you that GIMP doesn't have serious UX problems is a FOSSbro and a shill.

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It's [current year] and we're still doing [thing] SMHing my head

I have a cold so I'm going to make hyperbolic statements about it. 

My ears are numb

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I have a cold so I'm going to make hyperbolic statements about it. 

Today my short term memory is practically falling out the hole I must've woken up with to cure the headaches

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I have a cold so I'm going to make hyperbolic statements about it. 

Last night I had a headache that told me exactly why old timey doctors drilled holes in people's heads to treat those

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I have a cold so I'm going to make hyperbolic statements about ut. 

My body has forgotten how temperature works and the only feedback it gives me is that I'm currently not at the right one

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I have a cold so I'm going to make hyperbolic statements about ut. 

My blood feels like jello and my legs feel like noodles

Jan Koreus boosted

it is simply fair and equal for me, an employer worth $45Mil with lawyers on retainer, to enter into a contract with my employee whose mother has cancer. they rationally signed a contract in a language they cannot read which places them into legal debt to pay me their wages for [indefinitely]

Jan Koreus boosted

me, a rat in a cage: surely rage will resolve my current predicament

Jan Koreus boosted

I totally want my partners to see my read receipts on stuff, but not like, certain family members or my boss. You know? Why can't we do that?

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Jan Koreus boosted

Check your children's Halloween candy carefully

inside it are two wolves,

Jan Koreus boosted

im going to start telling cis guys, "wow, it's so bold of you to wear a feminine color pattern like orange and red", except it'll just be a random color they're wearing

Education, uspol 

I know that, like, every teacher I've ever had and every after school special I've ever seen both tried to drill this into me, but they also said that nuking japan was justified, and that segregation was over by 1969, so I'm sure a lot of other little bits of wisdom got lost in the mountains of bullshit.

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Jan Koreus boosted

The other day I saw someone say "Kink is like metal; everyone thinks they're into it until they meet someone who's REALLY into it" and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it

Anybody who laments the death of video rental should check their local library, some of those have okay video sections. Mine does and it even has a lot of stuff that's decent but not always readily available to stream.

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Surgery, shitpost 

The only bottom surgery I'm interested in is one that lets me consistently pee in a single stream instead of two of them, 90° apart

Jan Koreus boosted

Encouraging my friends to try new names without guilt, and anyone who dares harm them forgot that I gave every girl a grenade launcher

Jan Koreus boosted

I think it's a little weird that Margaret Atwood and JK Rowling both looked at the camera dead on and said in unison "my favorite book is The Turner Diaries" but I mean, let's not get carried away by the Twitter hate mobs

Jan Koreus boosted

you turn on the tv. step brothers is on. you watch it for 5 minutes before changing the channel. step brothers is on. no matter how hard you try, every channel is the same. step brothers is on. you try going to a different channel; you try going to one you never watch, maybe cspan. step brothers is on. you try seeing if anything else is on, even a different will ferrell and/or john c reilly movie. step brothers is on. you turn on your dvd player thats sitting next to the tv, collecting dust for the last 10 years. step brothers is on.

Woody Guthrie, completely apolitical American folk singer.

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Putting stickers on the laptops of idiot centrists that say "this machine gives fascists the benefit of the doubt"

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A friendly mastodon instance primarily for shitposting, gays, and the glory of the free and open source software movement.