Apis Ashla boosted
Apis Ashla boosted

it's called a can opener because you can open things with it

Apis Ashla boosted
Apis Ashla boosted

wtf was master p talkin about when he said he was "choppin up weed like motherfuckin spaghetti"

Apis Ashla boosted

Costco movie streaming service: good price, but you have to watch four movies at once

Apis Ashla boosted

getting bottom surgery but its just turning my face into a :PleadingFace:

Apis Ashla boosted

a man goes to his proctologist. says the world seems hard and cold, says he no longer feels happy. the proctologist says i have just the solution, the great clown pagliacci is in town, go see him he'll cheer you right up. the man says "butt doctor,

Apis Ashla boosted

i think if u delete ur cookies in firefox it should show the fox eating them

theyve been working so hard they deserve those cookies

Apis Ashla boosted
Apis Ashla boosted

me, a rat in a cage: surely rage will resolve my current predicament

my dnd cleric holding up one of those "YOU ARE WORSHIPPING A SUN GOD" signs except up at the pulpit in front of a congregation because they are all there to worship a sun god

Apis Ashla boosted
Apis Ashla boosted

wait a minute the Bezos space rockets look like a penis to fuck up the search results if you try to locate those actual pictures of his actual penis.

it's so obvious now.

Apis Ashla boosted

if only there was a way to easily block the oncoming stormfront of nazi instances that's coming, all at once.... perhaps if we didn't federate with them by default? idk just spitballing

Apis Ashla boosted

we price match and all, but 9 times out of 10 people do this with stuff we don't carry or are out of stock of, and they don't want to wait to order it from us. which like. what the fuck do you expect me to do then. weep?

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When customers try to gotcha me with amazon I'm always tempted to be like please go buy the fucking printer from amazon. I don't get commission, and even if I did dealing with you would not be worth the 10 bucks. Sorry to the warehouse worker who has to do an unsafe carry on your printer and throw out their back, but the sooner you buy it from amazon the quicker my company will collapse and the quicker I can get a new job

Apis Ashla boosted

a TRUE gamer wants nothing more than to be held in samus aran's very muscular arms

Apis Ashla boosted

Are you a white feminist woman who came of age in the 60s and 70s? You too may be at risk for sudden-onset terfbrain disease. Schedule a checkup today, before it’s too late.

I have received my fancy new mechanical keyboard. It looks so nice it made me feel bad my desk was a trash heap so I tidied it up for the first time in months. I guess the hideous amount of money I spent was worth it if that's what it takes?

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☠️ librepunk ☠️

A friendly mastodon instance primarily for shitposting, gays, and the glory of the free and open source software movement.