New job; positive 

My new job is good and everyone is so nice to me. I'm free to ask questions and everyone just seems to be of the same goal of helping these animals. There's no drama, and I was told that they were greatful for the work that I put in here. I think I love it here, actually. The polar opposite of my old job.

Self affirmation; work anxiety 

You will not put up with workplace abuse. You will leave the FIRST time your manager insults you, raises their voice, or makes a snide comment. The second you feel like you’re walking on eggshells, the second you are made to feel small, you are walking out.

The Job Searching Saga 

Just got a callback and a job offer for a job at an animal shelter in Pheonix. $17 per hour 8am-1pm Sunday-Friday.

I should be excited but I am traumatized. I'm so afraid of this job ending up as abusive as my old vet tech job. I'm trying to comfort myself by telling myself that I will not stay in an abusive job as long as I did the last one.

At the first sign of abuse I'm gone. I will never let a manager insult me or yell at me again. I will walk out. The first sign. I have to hold myself to that promise.

Mel's parents told me that since it's a county/government job, they tend to take issues with workplace abuse and discrimination very seriously. That gives me some comfort.

Selfie;job searching;interview day 

I landed a second interview. Let’s see how that goes.

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Selfie;job searching;interview day 

I hate business casual. Not sure how they feel about tattoos or septum piercings so took it out and covered my tats just in case.

I think I look good, even if there is no way to give a business casual outfit personality. EVEN if I look like the personified version of a gentrified bodega.

Job searching; good news 

I finally got an interview tomorrow with a contracting company as an administrative assistant. $20 per hour, weekends off, good benefits. Not getting my hopes up because I did that with the last job and was sorely disappointed.

The guy on the phone seemed really nice. I checked them out on Glassdoor and saw a lot of positive reviews and a high rating. Fingers crossed that I get it.

Vent; job searching 

I have sent out hundreds of applications by now none will call me back or offer me an interview. I’ve never had this problem looking for a job before. I don’t understand what I’m doing wrong. The only thing I can possibly imagine is that most of these applications request my ethnicity. I always refuse to answer but now I’m about to straight up lie and say that I’m white.

I fucking hate Medford. If I was king of the world I would nuke this fucking town until it was a radiated smoldering crater.

I’ll celebrate Independence Day when Puerto Rico has her own Independence Day. πŸ‡΅πŸ‡·

If they brought back segregation, what would that even look like for me? Being black in a Re-segregated nation? How many people would defend us? How many people would embrace it?

I can’t even imagine it beyond stories my mom told me.

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How the fuck am I supposed to act and behave normal while the country I live in is talking about bringing back segregation? I feel sick.

job searching ; hyperbolic self harm. Not serious. But i do not feel like censoring my frustration 

I don't want to watch these stupid "job finding tip" videos. I don't wanna listen to this stupid fucking buttoned up language. I don't want to write a stupid goddamn cover letter that says all of the SAME SHIT as my fucking resume because apparently every employer in the world has Alzheimer's and needed me to expend all my time and energy saying the SAME EXACT SHIT TWICE.

I hate the fake smiles, I hate the fake ass questions, I hate this stupid pointless dance. I WOULD RATHER POUR MERCURY AND LEMON JUICE INTO MY OPEN EYEBALLS.

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job searching ; hyperbolic self harm. Not serious. But i do not feel like censoring my frustration 

i didn't get that stupid job so now I have to sift through a bunch of stupid job finding sites with a 1000000 postings and I have to figure out what's a scam and what isn't. I hate job searching. I hate interviews. I loathe Cover Letters.

I hate this stupid game and the stupid language and the stupid buzzwords. It's a massive, humiliating, degrading, waste of time.

That job that gray recommended to me was absolutely perfect for me. It's not fair. Now I'm facing all of these jobs where instead of just being on phones for 1-2 hours a day, I have to take 40-60 back to back calls all day every day.

If I have to take 40-60 calls in one day I'm gonna fucking kill myself.

The supreme court said it was a first amendment constitutional right to be able to protest in front of the houses of abortion givers. Which means its a right to protest in front of anyone's home.

Don't listen to these fools. Violence and riots is the only thing they will listen to. people in power are not moved to change unless they themselves stand to benefit. And if benefitting looks like not storming their homes and breaking their windows, so be it.

So my downstairs neight who is also Catty Becky my ex-coworker who made my life hell at my old abusive job got robbed the other day because her husband left their keys in the door. Here's the beauty of it:

When I went to walk Leo that day, I saw that they had left their keys in the door as I was walking downstairs. I thought briefly about letting her now but then I decided that she had been a catty bitch to me and I'm not going to expend my precious energy on her. I didn't say or do a thing, went upstairs and minded my own business.

So, they got robbed. And I'm not saying they deserved it, but I *am* saying that if she hadn't been a two-faced shit talking cunt to me, she wouldn't have gotten robbed.

I had my second interview with a new position that Kaede helped me get. I think I did well, and that tech test was E-Z P-Z. clocking in at 60 wpm for the typing test. πŸ’ͺ🏽 I don't think they would have forwarded me to the tech test if they had no intention of hiring me, soooo... yeah! I'm optimistic.

The managers that interviewed me seem like cool folks, a really nice contrast from my previous boss. For all its shitty moments, that experience as an abused vet tech did make me all the more grateful for the jobs where I'm not treated like trash.

You know it was bad when being in an interview were the managers were normal socially competent people made me wanna weep at their feet.

Now a week and a half removed from that job I really feel myself coming back, but I'm really struggling with some doubt in myself that I can't shake. When you go to environment with someone who finds a million and one ways to make you feel stupid and lazy and useless, a part of you starts to believe it.

I'm doing daily affirmation exercises and working on some hobbies that I neglected. It makes me feel better about myself.

Y’all… look what I found on yellow pages. 7-10 people before me have walked out on this hag. Holy fucking shit. Before you ask, no this is not an exaggeration. This is exactly the work environment I dealt with for 2 months. It was hell.

Ex-job drama, the epilogue 

Before we came to Portland we dropped off my dog, Leo, at the pet resort and I had to update his emergency card. I told them to take Lakeway Vet Hospital off of his card and under no circumstances to send him there. If anything happens, and to just send him to the ER if anything happens because I don’t trust Dr. Mason as far as I could throw her.

The guy there told me they had been hearing a lot of bad things from that place from a lot of people and that they were planning on cutting off all partnership with them. It made me feel better to know I wasn’t alone. Apparently that particular clinic and Dr. Mason have a declining reputation.

Interesting.

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