Squalor Possum @squalorpossum@www.librepunk.club

The first letter of the alphabet is actually a zero-width space that's right before the "A" for some reason.

So, a "mix-up" is when you're at Dairy Queen and you get somebody else's onion rings and they get your fries. When cops force small children out of a vehicle and make them lie on the pavement at gunpoint, that's not a "mix-up." That's a different thing.

Antonie van Leeuwenhoek: "Behold! I have invented a compound microscope for the observation of structures and phenomena far smaller than the eye can perceive!"

Science: "Wonderful! Wh--"

AvL: "My cum is full of monsters!"

Years ago, my wife and I were playin' a lot of Time Crisis. She realized that an enemy's target area was undifferentiated from head to toe, so the best central point to aim for was the crotch and not the chest. She became a terrifyingly-effective dickshot specialist. She would adopt a perfect Weaver stance and turn the screen into a constant flurry of bullets and animated dick-explosions.

I feel like there is a lesson here. I don't know what it is.

describe the spider

Whatever the problem is, it's at least partially South Park's fault.

The sound of the plasma gun from the original Doom is imprinted deep in my brain, right alongside the smell of Play-Doh and my mother's voice.

I just watched Wishmaster again for the first time in several years. I forgot what a great practical effects movie it is. When a dude's skeleton climbs out of his body and starts attacking people in the very first scene, you know you're watching a quality film.

Every time Count von Count counts things, it becomes apparent that he CONTROLS THE FUCKING WEATHER, but the implications of this are minimally explored.

Nobody wants to eat my chakalaka.

I used to have some huge cutoff jorts with metal band logos Sharpie'd all over 'em that I'd wear with my giant chain wallet and then my wife finally threw 'em away and I'll fuckin' do it again.

"I
I got to oh yeah
Come on!
So high
I got to oh yeah
Come on!"

-Rob Zombie

Baby boomers the moment they turned 40: "Haw haw, look how old we're getting! We will spend the next 30 years making an endless parade of shitty books, greeting cards, TV shows, movies and newspaper cartoons about how ooooold we are! We are 40! So ooooold!"

Baby boomers now when a 40-year-old mid-career professional applies for a job: "Why would you need a living wage? You're a small child just starting out in the world."

My wife and I are watching "Twilight" and discussing the physics of how a vampire gets an erection.

I like a simple convenience store nacho cheese dispenser with just a weighted bag and a manual valve. It heats unevenly when the bag folds, but those browned chunks of congealed cheese are a tasty surprise.

But the fancy 7-11 kind with the peristaltic pump? Yeah, you get a laminar flow of cheese, but that pump can and does stop working in any number of ways. It's a waste of money, staff time and nacho time.

And no, this is probably not the last time I'll bring this up.

Every problem is at least partially South Park's fault.

Forests in the PNW are like a backdrop in a fuckin' Cabela's catalog. They are majestic, yes. This is my home now and I love it. I've seen amazing things here, but I've never walked 10 yards from a road here and found something that really truly made me question the nature of humanity. You push past the kudzu a few times in Florida and you're gonna find some quality weird.

When a lot of people think of Florida, they think of "tourist Florida": beaches, Disney, planned retirement communities and shit. I grew up in the longleaf pines and cypress swamps, where you find Florida's real natural wonders: sinkholes, coral snakes, beer-can trees, dirty pants, burned-out mattresses covered in rain-soaked porno mags, an oven full of diapers. Nothing compares.

As a fairly non-technical computer user, one of my small joys is looking up some system process I accidentally discovered (usually by having to fix or modify it for the first time). About a third of the time, it turns out to be some funky Unix thing that's been around since the '70s, hidden away but relatively unchanged, like a useful version of a whale's pelvis.