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*steps up to the mic, leans in and utters a single word*
“Toes.”
*crowd goes absolutely apeshit, confetti falls from the ceiling, a model in a tasteful cocktail dress comes out to hand me a statuette of a golden toe*

good news: I've moved all of my smart home needs to a free and open source alternative called snips
bad news: it does not yet have an alarm clock skill, the only thing I use smart home technology for

I want my dorm room to feel like a really funky animal's house in animal crossing

whispering through my keyhole is not a personality. tapping on my window while i sleep is not a personality. scratching my floorboards from below? not a personality. and as for shaking the very timbers of my home so they creak and moan and shudder? you guessed it - not a personality

programmers conventionally use loop variables named "i" and "j" which stand for "index" and "jndex"

a personality? in this economy? on this planet? located directly in my own kitchen?

Statistically speaking, at least one person on here is gay

Getting my most popular posts tattooed all over my body so if I ever get amnesia I won't forget how online I am

Actually "Don't believe in yourself, believe in me, who believes in you!" is one of the most inspiring and positive moments anime ever provided to me.

You Are Not Letting Anyone Down By Not Creating, By Not Taking Better Care Of Your Health, By Not Being Kinder, By Not Learning More. These Are Things That Have Been Taken Away From You. You Were Always Supposed To Be Able To Do Those Things, And Loved And Valued Even If You Couldn't alright sorry i'm done

Snow White, but she's on CSI and waiting for Forensics to get back with an ID on a fingerprint from the crime scene: 

My cables are edible. I would like to write on paper and then scream pee pee butt ass

ways mastodon has changed me 

actually they are only goshie woshies if they come from the woshies region in france. otherwise they are just sparkling goshies

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☠️ librepunk ☠️

A friendly mastodon instance primarily for shitposting, gays, and the glory of the free and open source software movement.