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Being a zoomer is cool because you have absolutely no recollection of 9/11 so the infinite imperialist crusade that followed has no apparent motive whatsoever beyond "we did it because we wanted to", which is probably much closer to the truth anyway

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“how can you tell when the bimboification has started?” he asked, lips trembling over the words.
“relax, mr trump, you don’t have to worry about big questions like that anymore,” Robert assured him, “Daddy Mueler will take care of all that for you, baby”

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"What was Chairman Mao's dick size? Describe the length and girth. Show your work."

Wow, Mastodon's political literacy test is pretty hardcore.

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getting my wires crossed with the ongoing threads and putting my wii in the microwave

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Kitchen Nightmares Season 48

Owner: My restaurant is the best restaurant ever. The food is going to blow chef Ramsey to hell and back

Gordon Ramsey *walking in*: this place smells like a garbage can. *shot of roaches scurrying along the ceiling* alright can I have the seafood platter

Shot of the chef jerking off in the kitchen

Server: one seafood platter

Chef takes premade platter out of the freezer, chucks it into a rusty microwave. Goes back to jerking off

Chef: I dont give a fuck

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tired of machine learning, i'm ready for machine yearning. who's gonna teach an ibm to feel carnal desire, a laptop to envy, a smart thermostat to feel nostalgic for an era before its own time?

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wario and eggman shirtless at the 2020 tokyo olympic games. wario won

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banks really be like "give me more money because you don't have enough money" huh
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mastodon instance where every time you post, your character limit is randomly changed, and it stays that way until your next post

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I make mac and cheese the way my family has been making it for generations: placing an empty tin can full of water, cheese and noodles on an engine block and driving around for half an hour

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mackenzie patreon: commit to $5 dollars a month and I'll read your name when i come out to someone

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good a/s/l jokes you can make:

-F/18/Kirtland Air Base (you're an F18 fighter jet)

-M/25/London (you're the M25 motorway)

-M/80/Your Mailbox (you're an M-80 firework / small stick of dynamite)

-F/40/Italy (you're a Ferrari F40)

-F/21/California (you're fashion retailer Forever 21)

-M/31/110,000 light years away (you're The Andromeda Galaxy, aka M31)

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how to wear a button-up:

look around to your coworkers, superiors, see roughly how high their buttons are, judge what the appropriate button-level is based on that, maybe button up one further if you're feeling conservative

undo 2 buttons

done

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terfs gonna terf Show more

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fun fact: when disneyland first opened, mickey and minnie were horrifying nightmare creatures

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A friendly mastodon instance primarily for shitposting, gays, and the glory of the free and open source software movement.